I know this is not modest, but it's relevant that I honestly think I'm one of the wisest people you could find. One time, at the end of a 10 day silent meditation retreat, I got a glimpse of what will happen when we die. I used to want to become a monk; leave civilization, live by myself and dedicate my life to purifying my heart and pursuing the highest goal and all that. But after a couple of years, I finally decided I wasn't going to become a monk. I did another 10 day retreat, but this time, instead of going really deep, I thought about what I should do with my life if I'm not going to be a monk, and I dreamed up such a beautiful vision. I want to live in a community of good-hearted wise people. We would work together to create a little eutopia, and do business which made us money and helped the world. We would run a free meditation center, invite wise monks and successful people, run a resort, and be a model for humanity. I would participate in the community, buy a house for my parents there, and raise my children to be excellent people. And I would have a beautiful wife who had similar values as me. We would support each other, keep each other happy, have fun, avoid conflict, and be best friends. That's basically my dream life. Then I would get old, die, and be born in a nice heaven with awesome good-hearted wise beings where we could all continue working on our paths to the ultimate goal.
When I left that meditation center and returned to my life with this big dream thinking I was really great, I got depressed because I'm basically a loser. I don't have any education or training that I could make a lot of money with and I live with my parents. If I was a beautiful, good hearted, wise girl, I wouldn't marry someone who can't provide a great life. Unfortunately, that puts me in a very unpleasant situation.
Here's my dilemma:
I want to save my virginity for the girl I marry. I want a girl who is young so we could have lots of years of youth together. And I'm already 23 (as of April 2015). I don't want to wait any longer to find my girl and start living together. But if that's not going to happen until I can prove I'll be able to make good money, then that means a few more years without a girl, less youth together, and lower chances of finding a virgin within my age range. So that's my dilemma -- I have very little time to prove I can make money. Sometimes I wish I didn't want to save myself for that one girl. But I just don't think I could really give all of my heart to someone if I thought that they weren't committed.
So right now, I'm in the process of trying to decide how I'm going to try to make money. I have some ideas, but only time will tell if I'll succeed. I'm also planning on visiting Buddhist centers in Europe and Thailand to introduce myself and build my network to try to find that girl. I'll leave this profile here in case she's reading it right now. If she is, I hope she finds a way to contact me...
I hope that gives you an idea of who I am, who I'm looking for, and where I would like to go. I would love to hear from you, even if you're not the girl I will marry. If you have any advice, suggestions, questions, please leave me a message. If you can't reach me here, contact me some other way. Just search my full name on the internet; you'll find me. Thanks for reading, good luck with your search.
- Diego Hemken